Fall Weight Loss Update & Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I knew I was bad at updating my website, but I think I'm even worse than I thought I ever would be. As we are in October though, I feel now is a good time to update you on my journey and life since not all of you see me regularly or know anything unless I update here. This month is especially significant. Not only is it Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but it also marks the two-year anniversary of my own diagnosis at the end of the month.

**Side note, no sports updates or thoughts in this post. Maybe once my teams stop crushing my soul, I'll give some thoughts on them haha.

Diehard (but currently suffering) Philly Phan

Current Weight Loss Update

Here's the update on the weight loss. I've been experiencing fluctuations and plateaus here and there as usual, but I keep going somehow. Last time I updated in June, I was down 46 pounds. Now, depending on the day, I am around 57-59 pounds down since I started this weight loss journey.

Admittedly, I have not been trying or focusing almost at all since I got back from our trip at the end of July. I have gone to the gym most weeks for my once a week workout, but I've not been focusing a ton on what I'm eating, how often, and when. I really need to reel it in and get back at it. I'd love to be over 60 pounds down consistently by the last day of next month (which is also my birthday, so it would be a great birthday present to myself).

Weight loss is hard regardless, but stress and anxiety can make it even more challenging. I'm sure many of you know that firsthand. The important part is to keep moving forward, no matter how slow the progress might seem. Keep moving forward even if you don't want to. You can fall, but you need to figure out how to stand back up. This is what I keep telling myself every time I want to quit, which is sadly more often than I'd like to admit.

"Anything but a water bottle day" at the gym

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

As mentioned, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I will never forget waking up on Halloween 2023 and seeing my results in the portal that were automatically sent to me before a doctor could call me. Others may disagree, but I ultimately found it a blessing to get results right away and to be able to process and research before I got that sympathy call from the doctor's care team going over it all. It was still incredibly overwhelming though and was going to be devastating either way.

Early detection, as you know, is vital. Please remind the women in your life to get their mammograms scheduled. If someone you love has been touched by breast cancer, please reach out if you haven't lately. Their journey and fight is never truly over. There are always follow ups, more tests, and of course fear. Even when they distance themselves and become a different version of themselves. Reach out. Your support could make a world of difference in their battle and in their life. Even if you don't think they notice you checking in on them, they do. They feel it. They need it. Reach out. Thank you to my friends who have all reached out recently. It doesn't go unnoticed, even if I don't always have the strength to reply on the harder days.

As we move through Breast Cancer Awareness Month, remember that one reminder may lead to 1 appointment that can save a life. Share your stories, raise awareness, and let's make a difference together. As my favorite quote (and tattoo) says "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

Finding New Outlets

Throughout the last several weeks, I have looked into new forms of expression to help cope with life and all the stress lately. It's not that blogging doesn't do that, but anyone who knows me knows that music is everything to me, it's my love language. (I was a voice performance major in what feels like a whole other lifetime. I realized though, that I didn't want to make it my entire life.) One day, a few weeks back, I found an app that uses AI to create music. I can make my own lyrics (the app can help with that too, but I like to do my own and then change it a millions times). Once you have the lyrics, you can then tell it what genre, what kind of vocals, what instruments, the vibe you want, so many options. It's been a nice therapeutic outlet and kind of a hobby.

Even though the music I've made isn't earth shattering or remotely what I would say "great", listening to music that has my own thoughts and words has offered a different and wonderful escape of sorts. Sometimes it's emotional making a song about things so deeply personal, but therapy isn't supposed to be a walk in the park, right? I recently created a song that started as a breast cancer awareness song that kind of turned into my general life story kind of song. If you want to listen to it, you can do so here. It's called "Afraid to Lose". One day maybe I'll find a way to record or sing these songs myself, but this will do for now.

In case you're curious to to other songs, here's a couple others I made recently.

"Though You're Gone" - A song I made for Uncle Howard right before the 3 year mark of when he passed away. I miss him every day, but especially during football season. Watching the games alone is so hard and I realize most people won't get quite how hard.

"Carry You" - One of the first songs I made back in August. This is for Ryan (my ex-husband, for those who don't know). I am reminded daily about how hard this life is without him, and I miss his friendship more than I ever thought I would.

"A Stronger Tomorrow" - This is one I made around the time of sentencing for a former co-worker and former friend. FAFO to her. I think it speaks for itself.

My newest accessory, glasses

Other Updates

I don't have many things going on right now thankfully. I have my next mammogram next month. I am still alternating between an MRI and mammogram every 6 months. I saw my plastic surgeon this week and things are healing from the surgery earlier this year, just slowly. I go back in March for another appointment. It's not necessarily going how I thought it would or as fast as I thought for healing, but he wants to give it more time before we remotely discuss anymore surgeries or "fixing" anything. For now, I'll work on lessening the scarring and massaging it to hopefully loosen up some of the impacts of radiation.

In non-breast updates, I recently saw my retina specialist. I'm not sure I've mentioned it on my blog, but I have a freckle on the back of my retina. Apparently it's something that can turn into melanoma, so I have to go yearly to check on it. Luckily everything went well at my appointment so I'm good for another year. I have an appointment with a primary doctor and a dermatologist this month, so hopefully will check off some other things and go unscathed from anymore detours in life. (I've had enough of those). Oliver has an appointment on Halloween for his stuff as well. He needs to be knocked out so he can have his annual exam and bloodwork and nail trim. He's had heartworm before so I get nervous any time he has this done. He had just been diagnosed right before my cancer diagnosis.

Moving Forward

As I continue to navigate life after cancer and my weight loss journey, I'm trying to learn to be kinder to myself. It's easy to obsess over the numbers on a scale, easy to beat myself up for not being in life where I ever thought I'd be right now, but I just have to understand that my self-worth isn’t defined by any of it. It’s all about how I feel mentally and physically. It's also about knowing limits. You can't fully focus on all things at all times. That's not the recipe to happiness.

I hope as we enter the last part of the year, that we all take the time to prioritize self-care. Whether through music, meditation, or simply soaking up the beauty of nature (enjoy it while it lasts Minnesotans), it’s essential to find what brings joy in your life, and do more of it.

Thank you to everyone who has followed my journey from the start. To anyone who is new to my blog, welcome. I hope even a single thing resonates with those facing similar challenges. Remember, you are not alone in your journey, no matter what journey that is.

Until next time......